Another typical day of air travel

So, I flew down to Naples, FL on a work trip last week, and the flight down was about as typical a day of air travel as I usually have on these trips. It goes just like this:

  • Wake up at 6am, throw the last few things in my suitcase in the dark.
  • Drive 30 minutes, wondering what I forgot and wishing I had turned on the lights to make sure I didn’t miss the suitcase.
  • Park in the Economy lot and lug my suitcase and laptop bag a few hundred yards to the airport entrance. (through the snow half the time)
  • Skip the clueless person at the front of the line that hasn’t figured out yet that there a bunch of open self-service kiosks.
  • Print boarding passes – pay $25 extra to check a bag (this is a new addition in the last year or so).
  • Go through security – get a thank you from the conveyor x-ray guy for being an expert. Two bins – one for my laptop alone, the other has my shoes/belt/coat and wallet. Laptop bag directly on conveyor.
  • Somehow I get chosen to skip the 3D moose-antler ex-Ray, but then when they check my hands for explosives residue, wouldn’t you know it – I test positive. Hmm, I don’t remember handling any bombs recently. So, I get the full-body pat down that is making all the headlines. It really wasn’t that bad at all – much like being at a tailors really, except more polite.
  • So there I am, with my ticket and through security and an hour to wait. Why am I always so worried about being late and yet always early. Luckily, FWA has free WI-FI so that kills time. And there is the obligatory bathroom visit. Why is the person in the stall next to me always someone with extremely loud bodily functions? I mean seriously is there circus animals in here?
  • Anyways, my hour wait is eaten up with the annoyance of the airline announcing that they have oversold the flight and need three volunteers to change their plans. Oversold? What other business can get away with that BS? That means that three times someone called or logged in to get a flight and they knowingly sold them a ticket on a full airplane.
  • The first plane is always on time, and I get boarded and settle into my seat for a long-day of travel. Hmm, still sitting here long after we were supposed to have taken off. What is it this time – Crew needed more sleep? Mechanical issues? Paperwork issues? (This trip it was paperwork that took 45 minutes to arrive)
  • So, we land at my layover airport and I am not shocked at all to find that I have very little time to catch my next flight. Oh, boy!
  • So half the plane is in a big hurry to catch their next flight, and the other half isn’t – soooo does the airline get those in hurry to the front of the line to leave the plane? Of course not! I eventually get out of my seat after waiting for every dawdler in a row in front to get out and grab their crazy carry-on bags. Then I have to push past everyone waiting for their “valet” bag – because apparently I am the only one shelling out the $25 to check my bag.
  • But, as I sprint from Gate A66 all the way across the airport to Gate C37, I am so glad I am not lugging my suitcase behind me. I am however wishing my laptop bag didn’t way 30lbs.
  • I must say, I was much more able to handle sprinting this time around – I was only mildly out of breath compared to other flights. But I was equally ticked to arrive at the gate and find this flight had conveniently been delayed 30 minutes and I was there with plenty of time to spare before boarding. Too bad they didn’t bother to put that on the freaking monitors before I ran a mile to get there!!
  • Once I get on the plane I begin a coughing fit. I guess my chest cold was not a fan of the unnecessary running, either. Ugh. Luckily, I had checked out the seat assignments this morning and was able to rig a empty seat between me and the lovely lady wondering if I was going to give her Ebola.
  • Finally the coughing subsides. I realize that I was planning to get my first food of the day at this airport, and now I have missed both breakfast and lunch. Also, my hands are crazy dry and itchy – maybe it is all the explosives residue drying them out.
  • I nod off to sleep and wake up every few minutes, hoping that I was not snoring – so far I have never woke up to see anyone staring or mumbling about me. But I guess I will never know for sure.
  • The flight goes smoothly.We land, I fetch my bag off the luggage conveyor – its easy to find, since I am the only one that checks a bag smaller than a Volkswagen.
  • I hop in a cab and ride 30 minutes to my hotel wondering if my flight home will be just as “typical”.

4 Responses to “Another typical day of air travel”

  1. Funny! Sounds kinda annoying. But I still miss it.
    I hope you didn’t bring that bomb home with you.

  2. Yeah now that they make you pay for bags everyone carries on, which makes the overhead bins overly full, which totally defeats the purpose, it takes twice as long to de-board, and it just further irritates the customers who then miss flights and what did the airline make an extra $25 for ol’ Steve? Horseshit!


  4. Funny stuff!!